So here I am, waiting in Kansas City Airport, trying to stop myself buying glittery red shoe souvenir tat, and mulling over the end of my brief American odyssey. I’m pretty sure that if I clocked up the miles I’d be headed into George Clooney Up In The Air territory. It’s all gone so fast that I can’t translate the impressions of half the places Ive been into any useful sort of prose, so instead I thought I’d list the things I thought I would do while on tour. And what I actually did.
1. Get fit. I planned to use every hotel gym as I travelled around. Hahahahahahaha. I was also going to use hotel menus to just eat salad and come home looking like Gwyneth Paltrow. Yup, Hahahaha again. (My gym kit did, however, become useful as impromptu nightwear.)
2. Work on my book. In truth, in the little downtime I had, I ended up flicking glassy-eyed through the 8792 television channels, answering email and trying to call home to speak to my children (who were missing me infinitely less than I was missing them and spent most of the precious phone minutes explaining arcane and complex rules of various computer games)
3. Sleep a lot. (yeah, see 1.) Most mornings you are getting up at 6 to find your way to the next airport. If you are like me this will also mean that you wake up at 3am, 4am, 4.30am and 5am because you are panicked about sleeping through the alarm and missing the flight.
Obligatory "pointing at sign" travel photo
4. Write an interesting travelogue about the places I travelled through. In fact you move so fast that it’s almost impossible to digest what it is you are experiencing. Hence each day feels a little like: HEYI’MINTEXASOHLOOKAGUNRANGEANDA CHURCHANDANOTHERCHURCHOOHNICEHOTELHELLOLOVELYBOOKSHOPEOPLESIGNSTOCKWHYSUREOHGOSHI’MTIREDYUMBARBECUESAUCEOHLOOKIT’S6AMANDI’MOFFTOANOTHERAIRPORT…
So bearing in mind the utter failure of my intentions, here are the things that actually happened on tour.
American bookshops: happy for you to draw on their walls
1. People turned up to my events. This was a bit surprising, as like all authors I am well aware that ‘author event’ can mean 200 people in a jolly theatre, or two people who accidentally wandered into the wrong end of the bookshop and are now too embarrassed to leave. Add to that the fact that I am, you know, English, and I was fully expecting the latter. That I had such nice, enthusiastic audiences I am ascribing partly to the amazing reviews in the NYT and People, but also laying largely at the feet of the various independent bookstores that held them. It has been one of the great discoveries of this tour that the indies of the US are in such good shape. Long may it last.
A light lunch at Texas's Goode Company Barbecue
2. I was defeated by nearly every single meal I was served. Those who know me know I can eat, so this was a source of acute embarrassment to me. One day I am going to sit and watch an actual American eat an actual stack of blueberry pancakes. Until that day I refuse to believe that anybody can manage a whole plate unless it is divided into individual portions, frozen, and served over several weeks. Possibly to an entire school.
Dear Raphael Hotel, Kansas City. No-one needs this many pillows. No-one.
3. I got ill (see previous blog post). This was despite my multivitams, my berrocca, my intense handwashing habit, and the fact that I spent most of my time at airports with my scarf pulled over my face like the Lone Ranger. Manufacturers of Advil, I love you with a passion you can only imagine.
4. I got better at flying. As a former weeper and clutcher of armrests, I have in the past 12 days, flown every single aircraft and weather condition that I might have had nightmares about (including tornado air). Sometimes even without Valium. Garry, the very nice Texan I sat next to yesterday as we flew out of Houston, may have even persuaded me that take-off is a ‘rush’. Maybe.
5. I realised I want to be called Ma’am for the rest of my life. I think I may start a campaign to introduce it in the UK. There is almost no statement that can’t be improved by the word ‘ma’am’, from ‘would you like maple syrup with that’, to ‘oh your accent is SO funny’. I made every single flight, and every single event, despite misunderstandings about time zones across America, The Great American Lurgy, and airports the size of some small African countries. (Dallas Ft Worth any airport that requires an actual Blade Runner airborne tram thingy to get you from gate to gate is TOO BIG).
6. I made a lot of new friends, ate a lot of new food, and got to add a few places to my ever-growing-list of Places I Would Quite Like To Live One Day. Time to board now, but thank you America for making me feel so welcome.
Lovely blog, Jojo, ma’am. Be nice to have you back in the UK
Was lovely to see you, lurgy or no.
Jojo your welcome to come back anytime just wish you could make it to Sarasota, Fla or maybe Tampa,Fla. Thank You for your wonderful books
Sounds as if, by and large, you’ve had a good and successful trip. Hubby and I went on a 3-week tour of the States several years ago and it was exhausting! Up early every day to get the coach, not arriving to the hotel at our next destination until 8-ish in the evening. One evening we didn’t reach our hotel until 10 pm because we’d been stuck in Yellowstone Park due to road closures!
How lovely that you had a good book tour – I bet they loved you in the old US of A! Welcome back and a great & funny blog.
This how I imagine it really must be like. Thank you for making me smile.
We were sad to have missed you out here in Chicago’s Northern suburbs. We have many wonderful Indies and you would have been so enthusiastically received. A week in the US is but a minute but still I think those of us that didn’t meet you are the poorer for it. Liesl Schillinger’s wonderful review of ‘Me Before You,’ in the ‘Times Book Review,’ convinced us your novel was a must have. And, so we do.
We think perhaps our paths may have crossed in Hong Kong. We were there on assignment from late ’95 through most all of ’98. We had many friends at the Morning Post, spent an inordinate amount of time at the FCC, as expats will do and very fortuitously for us, lived on Lamma Island and commuted to Central everyday. Albert Cheng(Cheng jinHon)……later, post ‘Handover,’ elected to LEGCO was a close friend.
We wish you every success with ‘Me Before You.’ Come back and visit us in the Midwest.
Cheers,
Richard and Jane Kennedy
Jojo, you have to come back next book. Please.
Jojo, it was such a pleasure to meet you at Blue Willow Bookstore and to hear you speak. You’re just as charming and witty as I imagined you to be from reading your books. As I told you Monday night, I’ve read all your books, even though I’ve mostly had to order them from the UK, and I’ve introduced a lot of my friends and two of my sisters to them. They all love your work as much as I do. Glad you enjoyed visiting the US and hope you come back soon. Cheers! Pat Kay
Was lovely to see you, lurgy or no
First, CONGRATS on ” Me Before You” having been picked up for the big screen! That’s what brought me here to your hilarious travel post as I am a blogger who write about movies based on books, including, of course, yours.(http://www.chapter1-take1.blogspot.com/2013/01/me-before-you-by-jojo-moyes-being.html)
Second, and most importantly, on the subject of blueberry pancakes and watching an American sit down and eat an entire plateful. Take it from this Los Angeleno, you can only eat one blueberry pancake, the top one of the stack of three. That’s the one laden with a generous dollop of blueberry compote which much like a jam sponge, soaks into the pancake ensuring every bite is both buttery and bursting with the flavor of (usually faux) blueberries.
While I consider them practically divine in terms of being true comfort foods, there is no way to consume more than one blueberry pancake and that’s if you’re lucky. After one, you’re so stuffed you’ve forgotten that first buttery bite dripping with the steaming blueberry compote, the coffee has gone cold and bitter and the blueberry stuff has been reduced to just a sticky purplish blob and you wish you’d just ordered 2 eggs scrambled, 2 slices of bacon (crisp) and ridiculously, a side of cottage cheese instead of hash browns. imho.
Anyway, congrats again! Will you be writing the adaptation yourself? I will definitely be watching with interest and hope to see you on your next visit to the states. So wish I’d seen you in Manhattan Beach!
Ms. Moyes,
I am sad that I missed your stint in Texas; alas, I only just read Me Before You. It was wonderful and when I awoke this AM after finishing it, I was so sad like I had lost someone. I then remembered…
Anyway, I am a Texan and I loved your thoughts on being called “ma’am” in the blog post. I HATE it, so it gave me new perspective. I am 41 and it makes me feel so old when the young men call me ma’am! Can’t wait to explore your other work. Thank you,
Patrica