So I’ve spent some of today reading up the various blogs on the story of the deaf couple below – not least because I’ve had some trackbacks from my own blog – and I wanted to add one point to my comments of yesterday.

I still don’t agree with the notion of “choosing” a deaf child, especially not for the reasons Tomato Lichy and his partner gave in the two interviews I heard. But I do back emphatically their stance on the HFE bill which would effectively not allow implantation of a deaf embryo.

I don’t believe my position is contradictory; I still believe deafness is a disability, in so much as it is the loss, or lack, of a primary sense. But for anyone to argue that my son should not have had a life because his ears don’t work like everyone else’s is frankly terrifying. (Hah! Reminds me of the old bat who once told me I would be “irresponsible” to have any more children. This from a woman who had never held a job her whole life.)

It is entirely possible that our children will have deaf children (connexin 26 is in our family’s genes); if embryos with deafness genes “will be automatically discarded“, well, that just about does for most of us. But living with deafness (our son is still profoundly deaf when he is not wearing his implant) has shown our family and friends that deafness is not a disaster – it’s not even the most interesting thing about him.

He is what he is – a marvellous mixture of deaf and hearing, a bright, impetuous, funny, happy member of our hearing family. As far more sophisticated commentators than I have argued, our increased reproductive technologies have created a moral mess, and here it is more visible than most: IVF embryo selection by its very nature means that some embryos will not be given the chance to live.

If this debate has shown nothing else, it has hopefully highlighted that deafness, or indeed the ability to hear – should not be the grounds on which that life or death decision should be made. I’m not sure I could ever play God enough to decide what grounds would be suitable – I have friends with children with CF, cerebal palsy – would our lives really be so much better without them? The very idea is offensive.

Frankly, if we have to make a choice, I’d be more in favour of pinning the tail on the petri dish – surely that would be closer to nature?

I’ve been thinking all day about the deaf couple who want the right to “choose” a deaf baby – not least because I’ve listened to them interviewed on Radio 4 and Radio 2.

To summarise, Tomato Lichy and his partner already have one deaf child, and hope for another via IVF. New legislation would mean they could not choose an embryo which had deaf genes, if a “non-deaf” embryo was available.

They say the act suggests that deaf people are not equal to hearing people; Mr Lichy almost militantly insists that his deafness is not a disability.

As the mother of a deaf child, I am sympathetic to his viewpoint (I would HATE anyone to consider my son inferior) but I cannot agree with what Mr Lichy would choose.

When we were offered a cochlear implant for Lockie, one of our first reservations was that accepting it would almost be like telling him that he was not “good enough” as he was. But there is a simple fact here – one which Mr Lichy refuses to accept – deafness IS the loss of a primary sense, and in that respect it cannot BUT be a disability. Much as we were afraid to put our child through surgery, we felt it was our duty to give him every option – hearing or deaf – for the fullest possible life.

He is now a hearing, speaking child, one who sings and listens to music, but all those are immaterial next to the fact that we did our duty as parents and gave him as many choices and chances as we were able. If he chooses to go to a deaf school, or a mainstream one, sign or talk – those are his choices, and fine by us. But by choosing a deaf child within a fairly determinedly insularly deaf family, they are restricting that of their putative child.

I am loath to criticise them – especially given the hammering they have taken on the radio today already – but I suspect that the couple’s real resistance comes from fear; fear that they will not be able to communicate or bond with a hearing child as they have with their child who is “like them”.

I understand this view – having a deaf child in our hearing family took some adjusting to too, and a fair bit of actual work. But I would argue that what they propose is just as discriminatory and short-sighted as it would be in reverse. Embracing deaf or hearing culture enriches both sides. For this reason, and despite the fact that I have no doubt that they are loving, caring parents, I hope they fail.

… is my first broadcast piece of writing. It’s almost impossible to say how excited I am to have a short story going out on Radio 4, but if I add that Doon Mackichan of Smack The Pony is the narrator, you will know that my cups runneth over.

All my published books have been made into audio by the wonderful WF Howes and it never fails to surprise me how alien – and how much better – one’s own words can sound when spoken by a professional. I’ve heard an advance CD of Doon Mackichan’s reading, and the words could have been written for her slightly weary, faintly acerbic, but very human tones.

Ooh…It’s given me a taste – I can see suddenly why every other waitress and valet in LA is a would-be screenwriter….